Snakes on a Train

Synopsis: The movie opens with a couple sneaking across the border between Mexico and the United States. The woman is clearly in some distress and not well. The man stops and begins a ritual that involves the woman throwing up a snake. They end up on a train to Los Angeles, where the man believes his uncle can help cure the woman. Many other characters and storylines are introduced before the train pulls away from the station.

The Good: This movie was released in an attempt to cash in on the buzz that was created by the release of Snakes on a Plane. With that in mind I had very low expectations for this film. With Snakes on a Train they just didn’t try to cash in on the similar name with a knockoff film. They actually tried to film what could have been an interesting script involving curses and black magic. Really that is the only positive that I can find with this movie, is that they had an interesting script.

The Bad: Where to start? The first complaint I have about this movie is the acting, which ranges from passable to just terrible. I found the actor that portrayed the conductor to be so distractingly bad that I couldn’t pay attention to the rest of the film. Which in a way is maybe not such a bad thing. In addition to some pretty wooden acting is a story that includes characters and storylines that were added to pad the runtime, or are just underdeveloped. For example there is a needless story that involves a couple of friends that are smuggling drugs, which is further complicated by a couple of competing criminals trying to steal the drugs and money. I must not forget the snakes mentioned in the title. They range from the small common variety garden snakes, to terrible hand puppet snakes, to an even worse finale with a horribly rendered CGI snake.

The Score: .5 out of 4

This is just not a good movie. I would recommend avoiding this, as it would be a waste of your time.

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